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Adultery: How Adultery Statistics Affect Divorce


Adultery statistics are hard to come by, especially honest and controlled statistics. According to the electronic article “Adultery: Statistics on Cheating Spouses,” published by Eagle’s Nest Publications, “60-70 percent of adultery victims are women” while “30-40 percent of adultery victims are men.” Adultery is usually one of the top reasons cited for divorce and with modern technology and readily available sex partners, it doesn’t seem like this trend will slow any time soon.

The definition of adultery is consensual sexual intercourse with a partner that is not your husband or wife. According to the 2003 United Nations World Fertility Reports, 89% of all women and men get married by the age of 49. However, not all marriages follow the monogamy rule. Anthropological studies have reported that 80-85% of societies allowed polygamous marriage. It is a well-known fact that the early Mormons practiced Polygamy. However, most men in societies are not able to afford multiple wives so the average societal marriage involves one man and one woman.

Adultery stories have been a part of history since the beginning of time. Adultery is clearly forbidden in the seventh commandment of the Ten Commandments and is punishable by death. Jesus preached it was a sin. However, in the past, only a married woman engaging in sex with another man counted as adultery in which case both the woman and the man were considered guilty. Nevertheless, this attitude has spread to married men who are now looked down upon and may be punished by laws if they cheat on their wives.

In some cultures, the punishment for adultery results in the death penalty, some penalties being as brutal has stoning the guilty party to death. In various countries adultery is illegal and in the United States adultery laws vary from state to state.

When a person files for divorce on the grounds of adultery, they must provide as much proof as possible to prove the validity of the affair. If the divorce is contested, then it is up to the accusing party to provide dates, times and any other admissible evidence.

Adultery can affect the negotiation of the divorce process by setting off hurt, anger and resentment. Infidelity most affects divorce in the negotiation process. Rarely does infidelity fail to set off negative and painful emotions from the cheated on party.

Unfortunately, adultery seems to be a part of our society. Whether we decide to partake in it or work on trying to keep it out of our lives, it is a personal decision we choose and we must live with the consequences.

Written by Stephany Alexander, http://www.womansavers.com/ ©* All break up and relationship articles are the property of their owners. © All WomanSavers relationship articles are copyright of the individual authors, unless specified. http://www.WomanSavers.com is not responsible or liable for the accuracy and/or content of the women's relationship and break up articles displayed on this site. Submitted relationship articles for women to be included, but not limited, to the categories of: relationship articles, break up articles, abuse articles, cheating statistics, dating advice articles, divorce articles, gender difference studies, healthy relationship articles, internet cheating articles, marriage articles, medical articles, men's advice for women, men's relationship articles, miscellaneous articles, relationship news articles, rape statistics articles, sex articles, sex laws, sexual infidelity articles, single women articles, surviving infidelity articles, websites that help cheaters, women over 40.


taken from this website;



Cheating Husbands and Wives Caught in Web

Technology makes infidelity easier, but it also makes getting caught practically inevitable. Joanna Stern 12/18/2007


Rena Holloway (who preferred not to use her real name) was suspicious. The 36-year-old mother of four from Chicago had become uncomfortable with her husband's rampant cell phone use and that his voicemail password had been changed from the usual family code. His call history was blank—a sign he'd erased it. There were also paw prints on the family desktop Web browser: He had been logging into a separate e-mail account.

One morning, while her husband was in the shower, she flipped open his cell phone and there it was: an illicit text message. Holloway, who had been through this before, didn't stop there. She wrote down the phone number and used Intelius' Web service to look up her husband's cell phone records. Lo and behold, the number of the text sender appeared numerous times on her husband's outgoing call list. Today, Holloway and her husband are separated.

As you might imagine, Holloway isn't alone. "As technology gets more and more sophisticated, cheaters are going to have a greater risk of getting caught, especially because so many of them are meeting online and communicating there," said infidelity expert Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating On You? "The evidence is all in the cyber realm," she said.

Net Helps Cheating Husbands and Wives

According to relationship experts like Houston, cheating is on the rise because technology makes finding a willing partner easier. The unfaithful don't have to scour bars or cultivate relationships; they can simply visit a site like The Ashley Madison Agency, a site dedicated to helping married people find other partners. The site, whose tagline is "When monogamy becomes monotony," boasts almost a million members in the U.S. alone. Stats may convey the popularity of the site among cheaters, but creating a profile of our own was equally telling. Within 20 minutes of setting up a profile, in which we said we were a 30-year-old "attached female seeking males," we received seven messages from men who were married or "attached."

One member, whom we'll call Rick, traded messages with us on the site. He told us how he keeps his extramarital relations a secret from his wife and asked that we not use his real name. "I log into Ashley Madison a few times a day to see what else is out there," Rick said. "I always make sure to erase the Web-browser history on the family computer if that's the one I'm on."

Rick has met face to face with women from the site. "I typically am traveling for work, so I use my laptop on the road to communicate," he said.

Divorce lawyers and marriage counselors agree that Internet-abetted infidelity—romance originating in chat rooms and fueled by e-mail—is now one of the leading contributors of marital breakdowns. A 2005 study conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers indicated that 63 percent of divorce cases involve some form of online infidelity. (This infidelity can refer to relationships that began on the Internet or were spurred on by electronic communication.)

"I couldn't count the number of cases when there has been e-mail evidence of adulterous relationships," said Gaetano Ferro, a matrimonial attorney and president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. "It often happens that a prospective client comes in [saying that their] spouse has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and they drop a stack of e-mails on my desk."

Following the E-Tracks

It's no coincidence that catching a cheating wife or cheating husband has also become easier because much of the communication occurs via mobile technology.

"A basic knowledge of cell phones and computers gave me access to hard evidence," said Holloway. "I think the Internet and cell phones make it amazingly easy to have affairs and be caught doing so."

Private investigators once relied on long-lens cameras and receipt records, but technology has changed their trade. "The personal computer and mobile phone have revolutionized our business," said Bill Mitchell, the director and chief investigator of Mitchell Reports Investigation, who has been a PI since the Internet's infancy. "There is a clear advantage in technology for the investigator. Now we can do everything from install a camera that can run by itself or put a GPS device in an automobile and watch it from our laptop."

Mitchell also mentioned that his company uses software to track keystrokes and image hard drives, adding that the technology has saved his clients thousands of dollars in man-hours.
It's a business that's growing. Adam Camras is cofounder of PInow.com, a site that links people with private investigators in their geographic location. He's seen a major increase in the site's infidelity-investigation business. "We receive anywhere from 10 to 25 inquiries for online infidelity cases on a weekly basis," said Camras, adding that local investigators usually receive even more.

These inquiries come not only from evidence of time spent in virtual communities, such as Second Life, but from other social sites such as MySpace, dating sites, and sites that cater to cheating husbands and wives. "Requests from people wanting tangible information about their spouse's other 'online spouse' have grown 200 percent over the past two years," Camras said.

Although nothing beats having a tech-savvy private investigator at your disposal, John Lucich, a computer forensic expert, has focused on bringing detectives' technology skills to the average person. He argues that costly bills and the idea of involving an outsider in one's dissolving marriage don't make hiring a private investigator the most attractive solution. Lucich's book, Cyber Lies, teaches suspecting spouses how to examine a partner's computer or cell phone to find out if he or she is cheating. "Unfortunately, I can lead people in the right direction to uncover their suspicions," he said.

More Inclined to Cheat?

Although cell phones and instant messaging can be used to keep relationships strong, these tools can also be weapons that tear marriages and families apart. "Mobile technology has made breakthroughs in human relationships and brought us closer to loved ones," said Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist specializing in marital therapy and author of The Power of Two. "But on the flip side, it lets us be inappropriately romantic during affairs. The spouse can even be in the same room as the cheater communicates with the [other] woman or man."

But are people who are already inclined to cheat simply upgrading to higher-tech tools, or are more people cheating because technology has made it easier? Marc H. Rudov, author of The Man's No-Nonsense Guide to Women, told us that technology has nothing to do with it. "Technology is just the enabler of infidelity," he said. "Like a gun is the means for murder, you have to want to kill someone before firing that gun. People do not cheat because the technology is there; they cheat because they are bored or insecure."

Dr. Kimberly Young, the founder of the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery, takes another view. She thinks that today's digital world has created a new breed of cheaters that may not have ever cheated before. "I believe the Internet and mobile devices make affairs much more possible," Young said.

Rudov does agree that technology is partly to blame for the upsurge in infidelity. "We live in a world that is electronically connected but disconnected emotionally," he said. "People are communicating via text messages and voicemails more than they're talking to each other face to face. It provides a layer of artificiality that has changed marriages and relationships. That disconnection makes it easier to bounce from one person to the other."


Related Link:
Spy like a Private EyeThese spy gadgets will help you keep surveilliance like a professional. But, if you're caught, don't mention us



http://archive.laptopmag.com/Features/Cheating-Wives-Husbands-Caught-in-Web.htm

When/whether to use a private investigator? by Peggy Vaughan

If you've reached the point of resorting to a private investigator (or other outside source) to "catch" your partner in an affair, you've probably gotten so desperate that you're primarily interested in "capture and punishment" and no longer have much hope for saving the relationship.

However, you need to consider that even if you're still interested in trying to save the relationship, using a private investigator may cause such anger and embarrassment to the person who is "caught" that it leads them to be unwilling to try to work things out—regardless of what you want.

When someone is caught this way, they may feel like a "victim" themselves—which can overwhelm any feelings of guilt they might have had about their behavior. This leaves them with little sympathy for the problems they have caused—and leads them to pull away completely. So if you want to keep all your options open, it's better to avoid a private investigator.

This, of course, still leaves the issue of how to resolve your questions and suspicions—which requires you to become much more effective in your efforts to get your partner to talk honestly about whether they're having an affair. For suggestions about how to give yourself the best chance of getting honest answers to your questions, read an earlier posting, "Confronting an Affair."

Additional perspective:While most of the feedback I have received through the years about the ramifications of using a private investigator have been negative, I recognize that a lot depends on the particular professional involved. I should point out that (as with counselors, the media, etc.), there are always going to be people who are much more caring and committed than others.
So in all fairness to private investigators, I want to acknowledge Bill Mitchell, a private investigator who contacted me and convinced me that he is one of the "good guys" in this business. He has even written a book dealing specifically with extramarital affairs. While I have not read the book, here is a link to it on Amazon.com for those who want to check for more information. See: The More You Know

I also want to recognize another exceptional private investigator who recently contacted me. His name is Alex M. Salazar and he practices in Orange County, California. It turns out he's on my mailing list and wrote in response to one of my mailings about the importance of honesty in dealing with affairs. He went on to describe the effort he is making to change the secrecy and shame attached to affairs. It turns out that he provides his clients with lots of information and support, going far beyond what might be expected when seeking his services. And he's making a major effort to help people who are trying to deal with a spouse's affair to avoid feeling "crazy" or like there's something wrong with them.

This kind of caring and consideration is precisely what is needed when people are so vulnerable. And it's heartwarming to hear that rather than being opportunistic in taking advantage of them, he actively seeks to build them up and support them in gaining more understanding of the whole situation. He even personally gives them written material that might be helpful, including my own book.


So I want to amend my earlier comments about using a private investigator to say that IF you are fortunate enough to find one like Alex, who is concerned about "the future of the family," then my concerns about seeking this kind of help would be much different.


http://www.dearpeggy.com/2-affairs/com017.html

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Anyone who may benefit from proving adultery in divorce court should read this book and hire a private eye!" -- Robin Roshkind, Equire - Divorce Lawyer, Palm Beach, FL

"Bill Mitchell's uses his background as a detective to give you this gift." -- Dr. Robert Huizenga author of

"Bill Mitchell’s book is on the money. It’s credible, accurate and very much for real." -- —J. Richard Kulerski, Attorney at Law, Oak Brook, IL

"Bill is one of the most outstanding investigators in America. This book furnishes knowledge beyond just those experiencing this dilemma." -- Ted Gunderson, Sr. Special Agent in Charge of Los Angeles-FBI retired, author "How to locate anyone without leaving home", lecturer and journalist, Beverly Hills, California, September 10, 2004

"Bill uses his background as a detective to give you this gift." -- Dr. Robert Huizenga, July 3, 2004

"Doubts about your spouse's fidelity and want answers quickly, this book gives you good, practical advice to get proof." -- Arlene F. Harder, MA, MFT, Support4Change, Altadena, CA

"I recommend this book to my clients who suspect their spouse of infidelity." -- Harvey C. Shapiro, Equire - Binghamton, NY

"If you want to know how to get the evidence you want to check out The More You Know." -- June Safty Odegard, LCPC, Relationship Pre-Engagement Strategist—www.junesaftyodegard.com

"This book is a help to everyone in their everyday lives. It furnishes knowledge beyond just those experiencing this dilemma." -- Ted Gunderson, Sr. Special Agent in Charge of LA FBI -retired
"We recommend The More You Know to determine if your spouse is having an affair" -- —Gitlin, Haaff & Kasper, Woodstock, Il